Alone at night
by youdiedloved
Summary: "That's why, sometimes, on nights like this, Tony sits on one of the stools in his lab, the only light coming from his chest, and takes out the arc reactor. He just looks at it and then wonders... he wonders whether it would be worth it to put it back in." SPOILERS FOR THE FILM
1. Chapter One: Anthony Stark

**Title: **_Alone at Night_.

**Summary: **_That's why, sometimes, on nights like this, Tony sits on one of the stools in his lab, the only light coming from his chest, and takes out the arc reactor. He just looks at it and then wonders... he wonders whether it would be worth it to put it back in_.

**Rated:** _T cause I don't want little humans running around depressed._

**Categories:** _Angst; Hurt/Comfort_

**Characters: **_Anthony Stark/Ironman_

**Word count:**_ 603_

**Disclaimer:** _Nothing in this story except the idea belongs to me._

* * *

It was night. One of the warmest night of the month and Tony couldn't sleep, it wasn't much of a surprise when he found himself getting up from the bed and heading to the lab downstairs.

He found a cup of coffee already on one of the tables and decided to drink what was left of it, since he didn't want to go back upstairs to make a new one. It didn't upset Tony to be up that late at night -or that early in the morning- it kept happening and happening every damned night and he was so used to it that he didn't even try to get some sleep anymore. He went to bed, read something till the house was completely quiet and all his other teammates were asleep and then got up and walked to his lab; he worked, made himself some coffee, tried to make some new gadgets for the avengers and basically spent all night trying not to die of boredom.

But there where nights -nights like this one- where is hands were working on some new tech but his mind was somewhere else. He kept thinking and thinking and when everything started to make sense in his head he kept noticing how he didn't deserve all he had. Well, actually, even if he hadn't been Howard Stark's son he could have earned the money but that's not what he cared about. Tony thought of all the people that now lived with him and cared about him and he was absolutely certain that he didn't deserve their love. They all kept thanking him for the house and the gadgets and when he made few adjustments on their suits or weapons but Tony knew he didn't deserve it. He was different, he wasn't a good man he was someone who happened to become a superhero. He wasn't like Steve, he was a bad influence and he kept making all the wrong choices. Steve, on the other hand, was a good man. He made all the right choices and he became a superhero because he wanted to help people, he was a good man and was constantly helping others with their problems.. shit, he probably helped old ladies rescue their cats from trees or something like that.

Tony wasn't like that at all, he drank a lot of coffee and alcohol, he sweared a lot and he wasn't supposed to be alive: he should have died in the cave were he first thought of Ironman and then he should have died when he went with that bomb in another dimension. He shouldn't even be there. In his lab. Working. Thinking. Breathing.

That's why, sometimes, on nights like this, Tony sits on one of the stools in his lab, the only light coming from his chest, and takes out the arc reactor. He just looks at it and then wonders... he wonders whether it would be worth it to put it back in. And start breathing again. Thinking again. Working again.

That night Tony took the arc reactor in his palm and looked at it, his mind racing from thought to thought, from memory to memory, from friendly face to friendly face until he put it back in his place, deciding that, even though he didn't deserve all the friends and love he had, he had it and couldn't change anything about it. Tony thought, while the first rays of sun crept in the room, that he should take all the love he could from them so he would have enough when they would realize how worthless he was of it.

_a/n: Okay, hello there. My name's Francesca and this is my first completed story. English story. I'm italian and this is not betaed so please if you can point out mistakes or anything else without being too mean I would be grateful.  
This came from a talk I was having with one of my friends: she just asked me what must be like to be Tony Stark, the rebel of the situation, especially she thought of a depressed Tony and then said "Se fosse depresso allora potrebbe uccidersi togliendo il coso che ha nel petto" that means: "If he's depressed than he could simply kill himself by taking out that thing he has in his chest." So this came in my mind and I just started writing.  
I really do appreciate reviews, tell me what you think and what I can improve.  
I could add another chapter that revolves around Bruce Banner but it depends on the responses that this chapter gets._


	2. Chapter 2

Just passing by to say that I've moved the second chapter of this story to an individual one. I thought it was better.


End file.
